Saturday, February 11, 2012

Fact: I'm Not Interested.

I frequently recieve e-mails with a single question or comment in them that really don't do much in terms of starting an engaging conversation, and I find myself wondering what the desired outcome actually is when a guy sends me one of these e-mails. For example, this is a crappy first e-mail: "I saw that you lived in Colorado, nice." This one opens a few more doors: "Hey, I saw that you lived in Colorado, nice! Where did you live? Do you miss it?" Do you follow? When I receive crappy non-engaging e-mails, I often think that it would be fun to respond to them on their level, using just a few non-engaging words of my own, to teach them a lesson about proper first e-mail etiquette.



That's great, good luck.


CVS.


Oh? Thank you for the fact. I like dogs but my sheets have snowmen on them. Fact.

Do you see what I'm saying? These e-mails, while they are able to boast containing multiple words, are not drawing me in to any sort of dialogue. Imagine if we were having this conversation in person, say in a bar, and these guys were hitting on me. After I tell this guy that my sunglasses are from CVS (circa 1999) then we are left with some awkwardness. I'm not feeling inspired to continue this conversation about my sunglasses and I'm sure as hell not giving them to you. The only message that may have my attention for a few minutes if delivered in person is the whole "My name is Vincent but Paul is my middle name." thing, because...what? Why are you telling me that? Stop it.

Here are a few more, just for funsies:


Um, no. Classy.


Booyah.


Not very. My apartment is extremely drafty.


No.

Deleted.

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