Check Ya Face.

Well this was a ray of sunshine this morning:

Hello there, Sir. Good morning. I'm going to have to take this question and fire it right back to you, in a less aggressive way: Who exactly are you? Do I know you? Why are you yelling at me? I can only imagine that you are one of the 20 daily e-mails that I recieve on this dating website that simply say "Your pretty, LOL" and then I delete it. (Hey, that's the name of this show!) You see, I delete those e-mails because a) you clearly did not read any part of my profile, and therefore we are in no way a match, b) you don't know the difference between "your" and "you're", and c) I dislike the use of LOL in any context, particularly when it's just completely inappropriate. If you are actually sitting in front of your computer thinking "this girl is pretty" and then laughing out loud, I think you are crazy. If you actually wrote the above piece of crap e-mail and then laughed out loud, I think you are crazy evil. If you did neither of those things, then I think you are a liar. So which is it, huh?? Are you crazy or a liar? CHECK YOUR FACE.

You Don't Tell Me What I Like.

I've never really been cool with people telling me that I would or would not like something. Honestly, you just don't know me. Maybe the thing that you're telling me that I would like actually is something that I would like, but you don't know. The point is that this e mail had me agitated from the get-go.

I already don't like you. Moving on.

Oh. I see. You know that I would like you based on the date you had with another girl from this same dating site yesterday. I'm going to ignore the fact that you are cruising through the ladies on this dating site like there's no tomorrow, (just a tip- everyone knows that the end of the world isn't until December 2012, so calm down), because what I want to do is talk about this girl. On your first date she was fine with you picking through her crap-filled car, which I am imagining is full of taco bell wrappers, Sprite cans, melted Skittles, receipts for a wide array of personal items, clothing, and many unidentifiable objects, and then she bought you dinner? And this is the best case scenario. The contents of her car probably were a bit more questionable than that. Beer cans? Needles?! FETUSES?? Listen girly, take some advice from me, a girl who has been called a "distant, heartless robot" on more than one occasion...put up some walls. Have some dignity. Let the right one in. Wait, that's for vampires.

Anyways, back to you, Dan. I do hope that you find some girl who likes to be told what she likes, and that you smack her with a club and drag her home by her hair. And I hope that she is alright with you substituting "b4" for "before" and "some1" for "someone", because that annoys the crap out of me.

Deleted.