Come On.

I recieved a few e-mails this morning. Generally I just delete one word e-mails without so much as clicking on the guy's profile. I mean, put a little effort in! But hey, maybe all you needed was one word to accurately convey to me the effect that reading my profile and viewing my photos had on you:

Um, hello? Hello? Can you hear me? No asshole, because this is an e-mail that you have sent me via an online dating website where the goal is to say something charming or funny which would result in my witty response and perhaps some intriguing e-mail exchanges ultimately leading up to a date. Instead, you sent me one word and either you suck with punctuation or you don't understand e-mail.

Deleted?


So I move along to the next e-mail. Surely it will be more interesting than the first...

COME ON!

Now I don't get any punctuation at all? Not even a little first letter capitalization?!

deleted

I am now numb to your one word e-mails. You're all idiots and I'm over this. I refuse to waste my time being annoyed by the lack of pride you have in the e-mails you send out to the world. You're on a freaking dating site. The e-mails that you are sending out are actually attached to your profile, full of your personal photos, biography, location, etc. But if you don't care, I don't care. I'm just going to continue emptying out my damn inbox and get on with my day.

Did you...did you just send me....an ellipses? Just...four...dots? What does that even mean? Were you so disgusted with my profile that you sent the ellipses to say to me "really?" You know, like when someone says "really" a bunch of times, while giving you that patronizing look, until eventually they don't even have to say the word anymore, they just keep on giving you that look, becoming more and more dramatic until you just want to punch them in the face? I don't know, that's just how I interpret this e-mail. I just see in my mind's eye a jackass sitting in front of his computer contorting his face into the most condescending expression possible, sending me some ellipses, and then I see my fist emerging from this asshole's computer screen and punching him in the face.

You know what all of this has taught me? Sometimes less words do say more.

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