No Regrets.

This is the e-mail I got this morning:

Well, that's not a strong first e-mail. You're making me do all of the work! You've done nothing to make me want to read your profile. In fact, you didn't even say hi...you kind of just gave an order. You did say please, so that's something. I want you to know that I am going to go to your profile now, but not because you told me to, because I am nosy and need to know more about the guy who thought that was a good idea.

WHAAAAAAAT!?!?! I really did not see that coming! Wow. WOW. Where to start?

You are correct. I think that you are a scumbag. Please, convince me that I am wrong. Oh. OHHHHH. You're bored! I get it now. It's not like you don't have a physical relationship with your wife, you do, it's just that you're bored with it. Well, if she won't change her ways when you ask her to (and I am imagining that when you asked her you did it via e-mail, worded as a demand but with a "please" tossed in there somewhere, and you probably used the wrong form of your/you're) then clearly your only choice is to place an ad on a dating website for a mistress.

I'm not sure how it affects your scumbag status that you are seeking a married woman to have this affair with. Is it better, because you two can relate? Or is it worse, because now you're lying to two people? Do two scumbags make a conscience?

I do fully understand that you are in no mood for games. You have no time for that shit! After all, you have a wife at home. Probably some gross little kids, too. I imagine a cat. I only say that because I like dogs more, and I dislike you, so you probably have a cat. With a UTI.

You adulterous, demanding, scumbag. I do not for one second  believe that you will treat me like a lady, but even if I did, I can guarantee that I'd have regrets. Partially because I find it annoying when guys are too gentlemanly (don't push in my damn chair behind me as I sit down, you just end up hitting the backs of my knees and then I fall into the chair with no grace whatsoever, and then usually the chair isn't pushed in close enough to the table so then you start pushing the chair with me on it thus learning my weight, which I'm not ashamed of it's just private), but mostly because you seem like an absolutely horrible human being.

Deleted.