We Are So Similar.

You may have gathered that I don't like when guys don't read my dating site profile prior to e-mailing me. I'm not trying to sound all high maintenance here, but seriously, it's a paragraph of information that will drastically increase your chances of either a) sending me an e-mail that I may actually respond to because you have said something of some relevance to me, or b) save you from e-mailing me at all because you read my profile and saw that I am vegan, I care about spelling and punctuation, and I'm kind of a bitch. So this is the e-mail I recieved today:

Hi Corey. Right off the bat I'm gonna say that you should brush up on your spelling and punctuation, but you've really just made yourself such a target here that I can't be bothered wasting time mocking your obvious failures, so let's dig a little deeper.

You liar. You didn't read my profile. You just watched a Jersey Shore marathon, slammed your head into a wall and felt like The Situation, signed onto your dating website and sent me this piece of crap. We have nothing in common. NOTHING! And just so you readers know, his profile picture was a photo that he had artfully taken of himself with the help of his bathroom mirror, and he was sporting a white wife-beater, some gold chains and a backwards baseball cap. My photo shows me grinning widely while cradling my pomeranian who is wearing a fuzzy bumble bee suit. We are two peas in a pod!

Moving on. Corey. Let's discuss something that confused me a bit. Are you or are you not telling me that I am sexy? You felt it important to take the time to tell me that you are not here for that purpose, and then immediately after this you tell me that I am sexy. You want to know what I think? I think that you planned that.

It truly is unfortunate that you are the one guy in the world who wants to get to know me for me.

i guess i can learn 2 b like u lol OH MY GOD SOMEBODY SHOOT ME I CAN'T DO THIS.

Deleted.