Glee and Puppy Mills.

So, something that I put quite a bit of emphasis on in my online dating profile is the fact that I have two rescue dogs. Maybe I live in some sort of hippie-dippie bubble where the term "rescue dogs" automatically means that I have rescued my dogs from a shelter or some crappy situation rather than buying from a breeder, because the term has caused some confusion. A shockingly high number of guys have e-mailed me asking if I train bomb-sniffing dogs, dogs who pull children out of burning buildings, or those dogs who have barrels of whiskey on their necks and rescue people from freezing to death in the Swiss Alps. No, jackasses. Other guys just zero in on the word "dogs" and think that they've made some sort of meaningful connection with me and send me messages saying "I like dogs, too! I just bought a purebred Golden Retriever from the pet store!" No. NO. You're just not reading all of my words.

I'm not entirely sure if this guy made that same error, or simply didn't bother to read my profile at all and is just trying to "sale" me a "puppie":

Let's get the yelling over with so I can just mock you. I checked out the Laughlin Kennel website, and you assholes sell over 80 different purebred dogs!? Are you aware of the dog and cat overpopulation crisis?? Approximately 4 MILLION dogs and cats are euthanized in shelters every year, that's one EVERY 8 SECONDS, and you sell purebred puppies. Do you know how much I loathe you? You love puppies like I love Glee. It's a super cute show and before I even realize what's happening I'm up on my feet singing and twirling around my apartment like a moron while one of my dogs nips at my ankles in an attempt to make me stop and the other frantically humps her stuffed Santa doll out of panic and confusion, but if I were to take a second to really think about the true cost of what I'm doing- supporting a bunch of overpaid crappy actors and squeeling with delight every time they destroy another classic song, while fully understanding that all kids ages 15 and under now think that Rachel Berry is responsible for such quintessential ballads as Defying Gravity and Don't Cry For Me Argentina- if I were to let my mind drift here for a moment, perhaps my twirling would come to an abrupt and world-shattering halt. But tra-la-la I just want to DANCE! Do you see what I'm saying? You, sir, live in a land where puppies jump on clouds and slide down rainbows into your open arms when the reality is that in the dark shadows of your rainbow land there are walls of rusty old metal cages full of hundreds of adult dogs who are used as baby-making machines until they can no longer function, and then they are killed because the bottom line is profit, not compassion. Just. Like. Glee.

Now that this has all come full-circle, I'd like to take a moment to mention that you have a problem with repeating yourself. Either you are very dumb or you think that I am very dumb. Stop it. I understand that you sell puppies (a.k.a. pain and misery) and like "wake on the beach," but something that you blew right by that perhaps could have used another sentence or two was the comment "I love to get married." Do you now? Is it a hobby? Perhaps you could start a bride mill where you keep a bunch of attractive people with qualities that you enjoy in metal cages in your backyard and when you've finished marrying one bride and you're hankering for another wedding, just euthanize your first bride and go grab a newbie from the back!

In conclusion, no, I am not available Thursday or Sunday for buying puppies, country dancing, wake on the beach, or marriage.

Deleted.